“Losing family obliges us to find our family. Not always the family that is our blood, but the family that can become our blood. Should we have the wisdom to open our door to this new family, we will find that the wishes we had for the father, who once guided us and for the brother, who once inspired us…”
Finding Forrester has always been one of my favorite films. It is a film that changes itself around me, whenever I see it. It molds itself around me, and then it leaps into the holes and fills them in with energy. It moves my heart differently each time I see it, and I grow every time it bumps up against me.
I would not dare try to change the words that speak so perfectly. It would be a travesty to do so. What I want to do is pay tribute. I would love to use those words to create my own.
If you read the words from the film, it begins with losing family. If you are never changed by losing family, you are not alive. Part of each loss is to stand firmly as the world around you move and rotate. Being prepared for the new you that will come from it is the purpose. Losing family will punch you in the gut, kick you while you’re down, sucker punch you in the jaw, or stab you in the back. It cares not what your current state is. It is there to change you. It is there to make you different.
Losing family is the fork in the road. It requires a decision of what is to come next, and it is never easy. You can hide your head in the sand, close your eyes and act blind, or you can open your eyes and elevate your head to the sky. You can try to keep the heartbeat low, or you can let it beat like the drum of life itself. That is the fork in the road that changes us, we can’t stay where we are. It matters too much.
As the first line above says, “losing family obliges us to find our family.” There is a hole that now has a place in the vital parts of us. Love as a vacuum requires that we are aware of its new deficit. It is called a loss for a specific reason. We have.
In some cases, the universe is waiting for us to acknowledge that negative so that a positive can take its place. In my case, a lifetime door closed became open. I had a door opened that turned wishes into reality. I am not sure that I could ever ask to have more love. I am not sure that it would have made any sense. What I know now is that loss family found is far greater than I ever could have wished. What I know now is that family, whether blood or life experience family, can’t be taken away.
For each of our families, once they are ours, they are forever. If you closed your eyes and sat quietly for a moment. (Go ahead, I will wait)
You just smiled at someone you love. They just smiled at you. They are with us.
I am blessed to have recently find more family. All of the things that I never dreamed of, but better than anything I could have ever hoped for. It did not take family away, it gave me more family. Everything that existed before, still exists for me. Within me. What I have that is new is not better. It is its own perfect. What I had before is not less. It is its own perfect. What I have lost and what I have found are both LOVE. What I have lost and what I have found are both ME.
The scene closes with another line. “… The only thing left to say will be: “I wish I had seen this, or I wish I had done that, or I wish…”
I dare not wish for more. This love lost and found is far greater than any love I could wish for.